Not a walk in the park

My pregnancy is not a walk in the park. Though I tend to keep negative stories to myself, sometimes I feel like I need to let it out.

I am pregnant with fibroids. Huge ones. And they are not getting any smaller due to the pregnancy hormones. And to make matter worse, they started degenerating a few months ago and have caused severe pain. I was on cocodamol (a combination of codeine and paracetamol). When cocodamol did not work anymore, I was given a higher dose of codeine to be combined with paracetamol. Codeine causes severe constipation, nausea and sleepiness.

For all the side effects, I was given lactulose (to help with constipation) and cyclizine (to combat nausea induced by codeine). But cyclizine also makes me sleepy and drowsy (team that with codeine and you'll see how drowsy I can be when I am taking these two).

My phd progress has not been great for these past few months since I have taken many days off school - stressing me out to the max. The graduate school is also putting on a lot of pressure, monitoring the attendance record and what not, though I am thankful that my supervisor is super understanding (at least for now).

Taking those drugs does not mean that I can function normally or be totally pain free. Most nights I'd be wide awake for hours due to pelvic pain from degenerating fibroids, leaving me totally drained by morning.

Fyi, degenerating fibroids don't get any smaller. The centre is degenerating because it has outgrown its blood supply due to its rapid growth, but the whole fibroid is in fact still growing due to pregnancy hormones. How complicated can things be?

I have two fibroids near the neck of the womb (near the cervix), and the doctors did mention the possibility of a c-section, but we'll see how things are at 36 wk (9 mo). I am now at 27 wk 5 d, almost 7 mo. There are also risks of early labour and heavy bleeding following delivery.

If you are wondering, the fibroids won't be removed during c-section. They are highly vascularized (full of blood vessels) and any attempt to cut them from the uterine wall will cause massive blood loss. If they're to be removed, it will be done a few months after delivery.

So for those commenting on me not gaining so much weight, I hope the reason is clear. I am actually unwell. For the days that I can walk, pain-free, I will put on a wide smile, go to school, or walk around the city with dear husband - snap some pictures for memory sake, be happy. On the days when things do not go so well, I stay at home and rest.

I am grateful that my husband is super helpful and caring. From massaging my back, doing the laundry, grocery shopping alone, and attending to my every need - I can't thank him enough. Alhamdulillah for one of the most precious gift in my life.

Overall, I am more positive these days. There are people who went through worse. I am in a far better situation. At least my baby is healthy and kicking! :) My husband & I (not to mention our family) are praying hard for everything to go smoothly, for both mommy & baby to be safe. InsyaAllah..